对于杨晓虹的《切磋贴：聊聊对总理引用的古文的翻译》，粗粗一读后，也没太在意思考。因为斟酌翻译是一件苦事，再加上诗歌文艺类的翻译，本无定说（所谓“诗无达估”），何必如此费神？但后来发现又有若干人发表博文对此议论，引起我的注意，索性再回头看一看杨老师的翻译。感觉仍有可商榷之处。“智者千虑，必有一失；愚者千虑，必有一得”，我作为愚者，希望能有一得之处。此外，批评别的人看法要比提出自己的看法要容易些。

另，我国高官就职少有国外之就职演说，离职也无离职演说。通常记者招待会就成了高官的就职或离职的演说。作为总理的离职的演说，整点古文也无可厚非，一则可能是个人的言语风格，有“文艺范儿”，并非克意抢韩寒的粉丝，二则也不是为了你翻译方便，或外国佬容易理解，我就只说家常话。盖引用古文古语有其积极之修辞效果。对于自明心迹，又不宜说得太详细，且有抒情效果而言，引用古文古语是不错的。

A- 我将在最后一年“守职而不废，处义而不回”，永远和人民在一起。

现场翻译：In my last year in office, I will not waiver and carry out my duties, and will remain true to my conviction, I will always be with the people.

点评："I will not waiver"这种表达方式似乎比较少见，而且完全可以更公整更eloquent，比如排比句。美国现任总统奥巴马，前总统里根和肯尼迪（还有他的弟弟Teddy Kennedy) 等公认出色的讲演家的其中一道杀手锏就是言简意赅的重叠式短句。 试试这个译法：

During my last year in office, I'll "remain loyal to my duties, remain true to my beliefs", and remain here with my people. (注：duties and believes更押韵，另作为一国之长，我总觉得用“my people"比一般的“the people"更有力。)

此处“waiver”为“waive”之误。详细见下

Waiver

n

1. (Law) the voluntary relinquishment, expressly or by implication, of some claim or right

2. (Law) the act or an instance of relinquishing a claim or right

3. (Law) a formal statement in writing of such relinquishment

waive

vb (tr)

1. to set aside or relinquish; To give up (a claim or right) voluntarily; relinquish

2. (Law) to refrain from enforcing (a claim) or applying (a law, penalty, etc.)

3. to defer

“waiver”或“waive”该词多用于法律中的“权利和主张的放弃”，此外略显不妥，杨老师批评到位。“my people"与“the people"均可，不必因为不是总统或主席就不能用“my people"。另外，conviction有如下意义：1. the state or appearance of being convinced（定罪，证明有罪）；2. a fixed or firmly held belief, opinion, etc.（确信，信念，坚定的信仰）；3. the act of convincing；4. (Law) the act or an instance of convicting or the state of being convicted。“conviction”似不如“beliefs”普通、常用。

B- “入则恳恳以尽忠，出则谦谦以自诲。”

现场翻译： Officials should serve as loyalas they can conscientiously when they are in office and engage in modest self-reflection when their terms end.

何教授：Once made in a responsible position, an official should do everything loyal to the country( or to the people), and when his terms end, hes hould give a self-assessment (selfcriticism) in a humble manner.

点评：这句话的后半部我觉得挺难翻译得好，上面两个版本我更赞同何教授的。我试着改了一下：

"When chosen, officials should spare nothing for the loyalty and only look back with humbleness when it's time to step down."

古语今用，通常都赋予新义，不宜胶柱鼓瑟。正如前面所说的“处义而不回”的“义”不必专指古代特定的道德范畴一样，此处“忠”也不能理解为“忠君”。模糊译为“忠于国家或忠于人民”即可。“入”和“出”个人认为上述理解较为正确，就是“入职”和“离职”而已。不是指“上班（上朝）”和“下班（退朝）”。“出将入相”中的“入”和“出”为“出征”和“入朝”。

“自诲”这里是“自我教导，自我明示”之意。唐朝白居易有一首《自诲》如下：

《自诲》

乐天乐天，来与汝言。

汝宜拳拳，终身行焉。

物有万类，锢人如锁。

事有万感，爇人如火。

万类递来，锁汝形骸。

使汝未老，形枯如柴。

万感递至，火汝心怀。

使汝未死，心化为灰。

乐天乐天，可不大哀，汝胡不惩往而念来。

人生百岁七十稀，设使与汝七十期。

汝今年已四十四，却后二十六年能几时。

汝不思二十五六年来事，疾速倏忽如一寐。

往日来日皆瞥然，胡为自苦于其间。

乐天乐天，可不大哀。

而今而后，汝宜饥而食，渴而饮；昼而兴，夜而寝；无浪喜，无妄忧；病则卧，死则休。

此中是汝家，此中是汝乡，汝何舍此而去，自取其遑遑。

遑遑兮欲安往哉，乐天乐天归去来。

将“自诲”译为“self-reflection”或“self-assessment”或“look back”虽不准确，但粗可达意。杨老师用“step down（To resign from a high post.（辞职））”似乎不如“terms end（任期结束）”中性、准确。

C- “知我罪我，其惟春秋。”

现场翻译：There are people who will appreciate what I have done but there are also people who will criticize me, Ultimately, history will have the final say.

何教授：What I have done may be appreciated and criticized by the people, yet ultimately history will give me a fair assessment(or judgment).

点评：这句话的中心是“我”，从这个角度我觉得何教授用被动语气突出“I"（更严格来说是"what I have done")是个很好的主意，现场版的“There are people"显得有点喧宾夺主了。但两个版本似乎都有点长，不够有力，反映不出原句的风采。试着把它改短一点：

"I might be appreciated or I might be condemned, but only time will be the judge." (注：condemned也可以换作vilified or denounced or demonized，但我觉得都比用criticize更恰当。Time这里我想也可以换成history。“have the final say"有点太口语化而“give me a fair assessment"则似乎太啰嗦了。)

“criticize”多用于“负面的评价”，较为中性，用“condemned，vilified or denounced or demonized”译“罪（指摘过失、错误；罪诟；诟病）”语义过强烈。但此处过份一点译好，还是根据国情变通一点好，可斟酌。

实际上“criticize”也有“To judge the merits and faults of; analyze and evaluate”之义。

D- “苟利国家生死以，岂因祸福避趋之”

现场翻译： In line with the conviction that I will do whatever it takes to serve my country even at the cost of my own life, regardless of fortune of misfortune to myself.

何教授：If a man is willing to sacrifice his life for the interests of his country, he will never mind things concerning his personal fortunes and misfortunes.

点评：第二版比现场版来得通顺易懂，但似乎都忘了“岂”字的语气，改一下：

"If one were to sacrifice his life for his country, why would he change course merely because of his fortune or misfortune."

杨老师用虚拟语气和反问句翻译地道。

E- “亦余心之所善兮，虽九死其犹未悔。”

现场译文：For the ideal that I hold dear to my heart, I'd not regret a thousand times to die.

点评： “For the good that my heart believes in, I have no regrets even if I would die many deaths."

此处“善”处理为“the ideal”或“the good”无不可，但“die many deaths”似可商榷。盖因“die”指动作、过程，“death”指结果。有一句名言，想必大家知道。Caesar says " cowards die many times before their deaths/ The valiant never taste of death but once."（胆小鬼在他们死前就已经死过很多次了；勇敢的人只能体会到一次死亡.）

F- “人或加讪，心无疵兮。”

现场译文：My conscience stays untainted in spite of rumors and slanders from the outside.

点评：有点长，改短一点：

"False attacks can't taint my soul."

“False attacks”个人认为此处“False”指“虚构的、模拟的、假的、不真实的”。虽然杨老师的句法精干，有警句修辞效果，但“False attacks”来代替“rumors and slanders”(“讪”)似有误。