mountbear的个人博客分享 http://blog.sciencenet.cn/u/mountbear

博文

[转载]评析中国日报2020-03-12文章:Imported cases rise as virus...contained

已有 1731 次阅读 2020-3-16 21:10 |个人分类:英文写作|系统分类:人文社科| 英语, 写作, 阅读, 报纸, 英文修改 |文章来源:转载



Imported cases rise as virus basically contained


评析:

1. case

《简洁的原理》(英文版)提醒写作者慎用in case、in most cases、in every case这类词。这些短语里,case相当于situation。


为什么要慎用?这个标题告诉我们case的意思是“病例”。法律上的案件、案例用case,医院的病例也用case。


用习惯了in case这类的词语,要换胃口一时半会儿还不容易。但至少要做到如果一篇文章里用case表达了“案件”“病例”,就不要再用case表达其他意思。


2. as

as是什么意思?Imported cases rise是境外输入病例增加,virus is basically contained是国内疫情基本上控制住了:这两个独立的分句(independent clause)需要一个连词来表示转折关系。as可以表示转折关系,但句式要倒装:Happy as we are, there was something missing.


用什么连词,要看作者想强调哪部分内容:是imported cases rise,还是virus is basically contained


我们知道,一句话里句末是强调的重点,所以把要强调的内容放在句末。具体内容,请读《简洁的原理》(英文版),第88页。比较上面两个分句,我认为imported cases rise是作者要强调的重点,是作者希望传递给读者的信息。


信息有新旧之分。写文章要以旧带新,用old information带出new information。“以旧带新”就是说旧信息放在前面,新信息放在后面,这样读者才会自然而然地接受不会感到唐突。这是符合认知心理的。上面两个分句哪个信息新哪个信息旧很好识别。表示转折,又要强调后面的成分:


(1) Al(though) virus is basically contained, imported cases rise.

(2) Virus is basically contained, but imported cases rise.


第一句是表示转折的状语从句,有主从关系,要强调的部分用主句表述;第二句是并列分句。报纸标题要考虑每栏的宽度,用词忌长。用Virus is basically contained, but imported cases rise作标题吧。



As the waning of the novel coronavirus epidemic continues in China, with the number of daily new cases dropping precipitously to double-digits and hospitals in Wuhan, the epicenter of the outbreak, either closed or opening up with empty beds, experts said the stakes are still high, especially along the country's intricate network of ports and airports.


评析:

这句话很长,但主干清楚:As the waning of the novel coronavirus epidemic continues in China, the stakes are still high. 句子一简化,就容易看出从句跟主句是矛盾的。


As the waning of ... continues ..., experts said the stakes are still high... 作者想说:“虽然疫情在持续减弱,但专家说风险依然很大。”英文给我们的意思却是:“随着疫情持续减弱,专家说风险依然很大。”作者想要表达的是转折关系;文字给出的却是伴随关系,而且从句、主句之间意思不衔接。文章标题里的as和这儿的as都用错了。


作者还在句子中间用了一个(其实是两个)很复杂的with结构“with + 名词 +动词-ing短语 + and + (with) + 名词 + 形容词短语”with the number of daily new cases dropping precipitously to double-digits and (with) hospitals in Wuhan, the epicenter of the outbreak, either closed or opening up with empty beds


with复合结构不能乱用。英语里有很多误用滥用。比如:

× Most are young with ages ranging from 18 to 24. 

 Most are young; their ages range from 18 to 24.


写作时,句子太长可以分开,先把意思讲清楚,再看看能不能整合:

(1) The waning of the novel coronavirus epidemic continues in China, and the number of daily new cases drops precipitously to double-digits.


(2) Hospitals in Wuhan, the epicenter of the outbreak, are either closed or remain open with empty beds.


(3) Experts said the stakes are still high, especially along the country's intricate network of ports and airports.


第一句、第二句保留,第三句前面加入一些文字,比如:

(1) These are happy news, but experts said the stakes are still high, ...

(2) Despite theses happy news, experts said the stakes are still high, ...


Amid surging infections overseas, the number of imported cases nationwide rose by 10 to 79 as of Tuesday. After days of no new indigenous infections outside Hubei province, Heilongjiang province on Tuesday confirmed a new case in its Greater Hinggan Mountains area-another reminder of the virus's capability to reemerge in seemingly safe regions, according to the National Health Commission.


评析:

这段文字写得不好,没有中心。第一句讲境外输入病例增加,第二句讲黑龙江省又发现一个非境外输入的病例。总共两句话,主题是什么?


Amid surging infections overseas给我的期待是,后面要讲海外感染情况,美国怎么样、欧洲怎么样,等等。结果是突然跳到the number of imported cases。强扭的瓜不甜,删去Amid surging infections overseas


删了也提高不了文章的质量,因为后面又继续跑调,跑到谈国内病例了。


1. as of Tuesday

有一定水平的英语学习者可能会为自己敢用as of而窃喜,认为是英文水平高的体现这个短语最早源自美国,专文件或合同的生效日期takes effect as of July 1。现在时不时会在一些英文里发现as of,很多都是错用或是因错用而蔓延成滥用的例子。除了指文件或合同的生效日期这个用法外,其他场合不用为妙。很正式的文件也未必会用as of,比如香港回归的文件:The Government of the United Kingdom declares that it will restore Hong Kong to the People's Republic of China with effect from 1 July 1997.


用常见的in、on、from、after、since表示日期的起始时间就很具体也很好——至少比用as of高级 。很多英美有识之士认为,"as of" is inferior to "on"。


(转载自“简洁的原理”公众号)



https://blog.sciencenet.cn/blog-3422258-1223839.html

上一篇:[转载]评析中国日报2020-03-11文章:Threat of pandemic \'has become very real\'
下一篇:[转载]评析中国日报2020-03-13文章:Tighten control over imported cases
收藏 IP: 1.94.224.*| 热度|

0

该博文允许注册用户评论 请点击登录 评论 (0 个评论)

数据加载中...

Archiver|手机版|科学网 ( 京ICP备07017567号-12 )

GMT+8, 2024-4-28 15:25

Powered by ScienceNet.cn

Copyright © 2007- 中国科学报社

返回顶部