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This is another thoughful piece (unedited) from my daughter who have written guest blog here before. The title says it all

Last year, The Economist ran a cover story titled “Asia’s Lonely Hearts: Why Asian Women Are Rejecting Marriage And What That Means”. The article cited statistics showing that Asian women were marrying later in life, or in some cases, never marrying. Several reasons for this trend were suggested. The primary one was that for an Asian woman, marriage usually bought the additional work of taking care of a spouse, home, children, and in-laws -- in other words, an unpaid, often unthanked second job. Given that choice, an Asian single woman who worked and had her own income would rather just take care of herself, thank you very much.

In the United States, statistics show similar changes over the past several decades. Americans increasingly marry at a later age, or in a significant percentage of the population, not at all. This trend in the U.S., however, did not make the cover of The Economist. Why? Presumably because Asian culture is considered the bastion of traditional family values, in which getting married and having children has been regarded as an unquestioned part of one’s responsibility to one’s family. A marriage often used to be and sometimes still is an arranged one. So for Asians to be leery of marriage, or to not get married at all, is a significant change. These are all generalizations, to be sure; in fact, the statistics show that Asians are changing their behavior, which means they must also be changing their beliefs about marriage and family. Still, The Economist believed that the current trend was worthy of a cover story.

I’m not an Asian woman, so I have no idea if The Economist is correct about Asian women’s changing attitudes towards marriage. I’m American, but I can’t even say what “American women” think about marriage, because like women of any country, American women are a diverse group. Ask an American woman her opinion on marriage, and the answer will vary depending on her age, personality, religion, upbringing, mood that day, and personal experience or lack thereof with marriage. What I can offer here is my individual view of marriage; perhaps one could extrapolate to other women like me. By “women like me” I mean women (1) who have been fortunate enough to have had access to a good education (women who would be likely to read The Economist), and (2) who have been encouraged to be independent -- who neither owe anything to nor expect anything from parents, spouses, or extended family when making life choices.

So what do I think of marriage? It’s complicated. I generally believe in marriage, and I think that most Americans do. The tremendous battle for same-sex marriage rights in the U.S. shows how almost everyone has a deeply-ingrained want to find one person to love forever and to make that bond legal. But one problem is that we are not realistic of what it takes to find or build a happy marriage. We think it will be like the movies -- a few false starts, a hilarious misunderstanding, and a happy ending when the onscreen couple finally realizes that they are made for each other. But in real life when you get married this is just the beginning of the story. What is it like to try to stay together through ups and downs, children, illnesses, setbacks, in-laws, surprises, and all the messy, unplanned events life brings? Movies rarely address this. If the American divorce rate is any indication, most of us don’t know how to create a happy marriage.

Our ignorance of the work a good marriage requires notwithstanding, I think American women are generally better off than their counterparts in more traditional societies when it comes to marriage. I think there is less pressure to marry in general, and more expectation that your spouse will shoulder a significant part of the work in taking care of the house, children, parents, and in-laws. (Note: I say that there is an “expectation” of equitable sharing of work, not that all spouses actually do their share. Also, I realize that I am making huge generalizations. If my assumptions are inaccurate, I’d welcome corrections.) My personal experience with marriage is this: I married at age 24, which was sooner than most of my peers from college. However, any pressure I might have felt to get married was from myself, not from others. When I was widowed at age 42, with children between the ages of 9 and 16, there was no expectation that I must get remarried. My friends and family may have been concerned for me, but no one suggested I get married just for convention’s sake. I have been dating a man I met online for two years now, and again, there is no pressure from family or friends that I must get remarried.

If I’m a little wary of marriage, and puzzled as to how create a happy one, I’m in good company. Many sociologists, historians, psychologists, economists, and “regular” people have studied and critiqued marriage. Despite all this learned commentary, statistics show we haven’t been able to make it a perfect institution, or even get close. Many articles have been written about the demise of marriage’s utility. Some have suggested that a marriage be a contract with a defined term such as five years or ten years or twenty. At the end of each term, the spouses can choose to renew the marriage or not. This forces people to think about whether they want to stay married and gives them a built-in opportunity to exit if they want to. This might be a fine idea if you don’t have kids. If you have kids, it seems to me that the decision to stay married, and the need to be happily married, becomes much more complicated.

So in short, I “believe in” marriage in sense that I have seen people stay married and be happy. I believe it is possible to stay with one person your entire life and be content, and I think most Americans wish for this but do not know how to achieve this. This is why wedding planners, marriage counselors, divorce lawyers, and online dating sites for middle-aged people are abundant in the United States. Like everyone else, I personally would like to have a loving, long-term, stable relationship, and I hope I have the skills necessary to find and sustain this. We’ll see.