好的段落不仅要表达清楚，而且还要简明扼要。简明表达的手段主要有：强调重要信息，弱化对重要性不强的信息的强调，删除冗词和短语。

l 强调重要信息

      在大量的科技论文中，重要信息埋没于非重要信息中。由于这种失衡，读者常常难以发现真正的“主菜”。因此，确定并强调重要信息对于防止分散读者的注意力是十分重要的。

强调重要信息时，既可以将其置于有影响力的位置，也可以直接表述为“most important,…” 或 “the key finding of this study was…”。削弱重要性不强的信息时，可以采取降级的方式，比如将其置于次要从句中。

例1  Information about the relation between WBCcount and hospital case fatality rates is limited. A link between WBC count andincreased long-term mortality after acute myocardial infarction may exist.

修改后的例1  Although information about the relation between WBC count and hospital casefatality rates is limited, a link between WBC count and increased long-termmortality after acute myocardial infarction may exist.

例2 TheHainan aborigines are an ethnic group living at the entrance route to SoutheastAsia and have been influenced little by relocation and migrations of otherethnic groups.

修改后的例2  The Hainan aborigines, anethnic group living at the entrance route to Southeast Asia, have beeninfluenced little by relocation and migrations of other ethnic groups.  

省略“概述性”的词、短语和句子

l 省略不必要的总单词和短语

严格审阅文章，解剖每个句子，找出那些无意义的词语。一般来说，当存在两种词语的选择时，选择短的那个。通常可以省略的动词：describes, noted, was done, reported,noticed, observed, occurred, seen等。

例3  Jones et al. reported that intracellular calcium is releasedwhen adipocytes are stimulated with insulin. (15个词)

修改后的例3  Intracellular calcium is released whenadipocytes are stimulated with insulin (Jones et al., 1996)  (10个)

例4  Products were verified by gel electrophoresis. The resultsare presented in figure 1.  (13个词)

修改后的例4  Products were verified by gel electrophoresis (fig. 1)  (6个词)

例5  To assess the purity of the gene product, many techniqueswere employed.          (12 words)

修改后的例5  删除本句    (0 words)

短语“it…that”通常可以替换或省略。这些短语多数是无意义的填充物，可以完全删除。例如：It is interesting to note that…通常可删除；In light of the fact that…可替代为because；It is possible that…可改写为(... may…, perhaps, possibly；It has been reported that…可替代为Taylor reported that…或参考文献[？])。

肯定的表达方式比否定的表达方式更简短。尤其重要的是，避免双重否定句，以免造成误解。如：Do not overlook改为note，Not infrequently改为frequently，Not many改为few；等等。

l 省略多余的细节

能够推测出的或不重要的细节可以省略。

例6  Using a 1 ml tip, we removed 750 µl of thealiquot into a new Eppendorf tube.

修改后的例6  We removed 750µl of the aliquot

例7 Resuspendedcells were transferred to a 0.4 cmcuvette (Bio-Rad) and electroporated using a Bio-Rad Gene Pulser.

修改后的例7 Resuspended cells were electroporated using aBio-Rad Gene Pulser.

 此外，不要过度使用那些用来加强名词或动词的形容词、副词或动词，如：always, basic, central, clearly,crucial, quite等等。也避免使用模糊限制语（指那些态度谨慎的形容词、副词或动词），如：actually, appear, could, essentially,indicate, possibly, seem, suggest, usually等等。

例8  Our results may indicate that siRNA dublex possibly causedan RNA interference effect.

修改后的例8 Our results suggest that siRNAdublex causes an RNA interference effect.

或  siRNA dublex may cause an RNA interferenceeffect.

例9 Figure 5 clearly shows thatthe protein was absent in the fraction.

修改后的例9  Figure 5 shows that the proteinwas absent in the fraction.

图题要精练。很多期刊喜欢电报风格的图题。通常，在图的标题和说明中，冠词可以省略，介词短语可以缩短甚至省略。

 

练习

A  以下是一个摘要的核心信息，描述ATP的一种新功能。区分重要、次重要和不重要信息，然后通过省略不重要信息、降低次要信息的级别对段落进行缩写。

1 Translationof the genetic message into proteins is none of the most energy consumingprocesses in living organisms. 2 Amongother nucleotide-dependent mechanisms, ATP has been demonstrated to beimportant for initiation of translation. 3Here we provide a description of our detection of an additional and novelfunction of ATP in the translational mechanism, which used a wild type S. cerevisiae-derived exogenousmRNA-dependent in vitro translationsystem which it is derived from.     (67个词)

 

解答参考

1 ATP is important for initiation oftranslation, one of the most energy-consuming processes in living organisms.2Here we describe an additional and novel function of ATP in translation, whichuses an in vitro translation system dependent on exogenous mRNA and derivedfrom wild type S. cerevisiae.  (47 个单词)  

在凝练的摘要中, 重要的信息, 三磷酸腺苷(ATP)的作用放在主题句开头的重要位置. 删除了不重要的和重复的信息.(因此, “Translation of the geneticmessage into proteins”凝练为“translation”, 因为该词已暗示遗传信息转译为蛋白质). 并且, 不太重要的信息处于从属位置(“of the most energy-consumingprocesses in living organisms”和“among other nucleotide-dependent mechanisms”). 第3句的名词堆积被拆分。

 

B  对下段进行凝练：根据需要修改句子结构；以主题为主语，用谓语动词表示行为；保持句子的简洁；确保代词清楚准确；用平行结构表达相对应的思想。

It should be noted here that thecharacterization of superconductors involve two quite unexpected features. Oneis, of course, their unprecedented high transition temperature. In addition, itis quite clear that their normal state properties are basically not likeordinary metals, and they are not at all consistent with the traditionalFermi-liquid quasiparticle picture that is a cornerstone of our understandingof the metallic state.   (65个词)

 

解答参考

Superconductors are characterized by (a)their unprecedented high transition temperature and (b) their normal stateproperties. Unlike normal state properties of ordinary metals, those ofsuperconductors are not consistent with the traditional Fermi-liquidquasiparticle picture essential in our understanding of the metallic state.  (43 words)

 

C  对下段进行凝练，使修改后的长度不超过35个词。

Our results indicate that between5 and 25°C, undoped, high-quality diamond as well asdiamond covered with chemically bound hydrogen show no conductivity. Undoped,high-quality diamond also shows no conductivity at higher temperatures.However, diamond covered with chemically bound hydrogen clearly shows apronounced conductivity at temperatures between 5 and 25 °C.   (51个词)

 

解答参考

      Our resultsindicate that only diamond covered with chemically bound hydrogen shows apronounced conductivity at temperatures between 5 and 25 °C.  (21 个单词)本段可只指出最重要的信息, 删除所有不相关的结果.

 

参考阅读：

《英语科技论文撰写与投稿》：再版面世（http://blog.sciencenet.cn/blog-38899-461483.html）

相关专题：论文写作
转载本文请联系原作者获取授权，同时请注明本文来自任胜利科学网博客。
链接地址：https://blog.sciencenet.cn/blog-38899-759548.html

上一篇：科技写作(119)：用核心词创建表述的连续性
下一篇：“号脉”科技期刊（游苏宁）