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科技写作(119):用核心词创建表述的连续性 精选

已有 4624 次阅读 2014-1-8 07:20 |个人分类:科技写作|系统分类:科研笔记

       一个条理清楚的段落是由一系列符合逻辑关系的句子组成,在此基础上才能实现连续性。每句话的意思要有联系,如此故事才能一句句、一段段地顺利推进。如果读者可以迅速捕捉到每句话的主题,并能理解这些主题间的关联性,就会认为段落条理清晰。

       核心词指用于识别句子、段落以及全文重要思想的词或短语,通常,用于识别主题句中的主要论点。在整个段落甚至整篇文章中,核心词都应该定义清晰且易于识别。它们可以是专业术语,如“kinase” “HIV-1”,也可以是非专业术语,如“mechanism” “decrease”

核心词不能随意改变,应前后一致。如果能不断重复核心词,并且严格、准确,那么主要论点就能得以加强,连续性就能得以建立;反之,如果核心词被其他词取代,读者则很难理解二者间的关系,即使本领域的读者能理解,领域外的读者也难以做到。

1a: To assess originalconditions of crystal nucleation and growth in metamorphic rocks, it isnecessary to analyze crystal distribution quantitatively. Density could potentially provideinsight into the time scale of mineral growth following the thermal peak ofmetamorphism.

“density”如何与前句发生联系?不熟悉这一特定话题的读者可能不知道“crystal distribution”“density ”在这里指同一个事物。使用这两种不同的词语进行表达,很可能给读者造成困惑。为避免这种困惑,就要顾及非本领域的读者,保持用词前后一致。

1b: To assess original conditionsof crystal nucleation and growth in metamorphic rocks, it is necessary toanalyze crystal distribution quantitatively. Crystal distribution could potentially provide insight into the timescale of mineral growth following the thermal peak of metamorphism.

修改后,“crystal distribution”作为最重要的核心词凝聚起整个段落,因为其被准确地重复了,所以两个句子之间的关系非常清晰,即使蛋白质色谱领域外的读者也能理解这段文字。

当需要从类别词语转换到更具体的词语时,必须有某种衔接来保持连续性及段落的条理性。这时,可以采取用类别词定义特定词的方式进行衔接。

2Infectiousdiseases that arise due to travel may be caused by gram-positive organisms.Onesuch organism, Staphylococcusaureus, can cause cellulitis, purulent arthritis, and suppurativelymphadenitis.

 

练习

1

A model system to study theunderlying mechanism that connects Type diabetes, life span, and obesity is thenematode C. elegans. Worms are agreat system to study the connection of diabetes, age, and obesity because theyhave a well-conserved insulin signaling pathway that affects life span and fatstorage, suggesting that there is an underlying molecular mechanism thatconnects insulin signaling, aging, and obesity. In addition to the knowninsulin signaling pathway, the entire genome of the nematode has beensequenced, and many molecular and genetic tools are available that will allow acomprehensive identification of the genes that affect insulin-like signaling,aging, and fat regulation in worms.

 

2

1 Wemeasured blood pressure in 5000 individuals aged ten to 18 years using a randomzero sphygmomanometer. 2 The meansystolic blood pressure in girls was 116 mmHg at age 15. 3 Fifteen-year-old boys had a pressure of 128 mmHg. 4 Thus, blood pressure in boys wasabout 10% higher compared to that in girls.

 

参考答案

1

A model system to study the underlying mechanism that connects TypeII diabetes, life span, and fatstorage is the nematodeC.elegans. Nematodes are agreat system to study the connection of diabetes, life span, and fatstorage because they have a well-conserved insulin signaling pathway thataffects life span and fat storage, suggesting that there is anunderlying molecular mechanism that connects insulin signaling, life span, and fat storage. In addition to theknown insulin signaling pathway, the entire genome of the nematode hasbeen sequenced, and many molecular and genetic tools are available that willallow a comprehensive identification of the genes that affect insulin-likesignaling, life span, and fat storage in C. elegans. (核心词语全段严格一致. 为避免重复, 也可考虑使用类如“these two factors”代替“life span”和“fat storage”.

 

2

1 We measured systolic bloodpressure in 5000 individuals aged ten to 18 years using a random zerosphygmomanometer. 2 We found thatmean systolic blood pressure ingirls was 116 mmHg at age 15. 3 In contrast, mean systolic blood pressure in fifteen-year-old boyswas 128 mmHg. 4 Thus, systolic bloodpressure in boys was about 10% higher than that in girls.

第一句中的“Systolic blood pressure”在全段严格一致并准确贯穿整个段落. 此外, 对比结果的信号明确且形式一致. 过渡词“in contrast”表示其后的内容为对比(句2和句3). 使用“than that in”代替“compared to.”改正了原来的第4句错误的比较

 

参考阅读:

《英语科技论文撰写与投稿》:再版面世http://blog.sciencenet.cn/blog-38899-461483.html

 



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