我们倾向于喜欢喜欢我们的人——心理学家称之为“吸引的相互性（reciprocity of attraction）”的人类基本特征。这一原则通常在建立人际关系时很有效，因为它减少了被拒绝的可能性。然而，增加被追求的难度也有其好处。

一项发表在《Journal of Social and Personal Relationships》上的新研究中，University of Rochester and the Israeli-based Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya的科学家们表明，故意装出难以接近的样子或吊追求者的胃口（playing hard to get）会增加潜在伴侣的价值和性吸引力。

研究小组发现，不仅是选择性，而且是在追求伴侣的过程中投入的努力，使得潜在的伴侣比那些很少付出的努力就到追求到手的更有价值和更有性吸引力（not only selectiveness but also efforts invested in the pursuit of a mate rendered potential partners more valuable and sexually desirable than those were little effort was exerted.）。

赖斯承认，这一策略并非一直适用于所有人。他说：“如果搞得过分难以追求，会让你显得冷淡或傲慢，那会适得其反。”

So, how then do you reconcile these two approaches -- playing hard to get on one hand and removing uncertainty on the other?
Show initial interest in potential partners so as not to alienate them, advises Birnbaum. Yet, don't reveal too much about yourself. People are "less likely to desire what they already have," she explains. Instead, build a connection with a potential partner gradually, thereby creating "a sense of anticipation and a desire to learn more about the other person."
Playing hard to get may work as long as potential partners feel that their efforts are likely to be successful -- eventually.

'Playing hard to get' really works; here's why

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/06/200608192510.htm

Gurit E. Birnbaum, Kobi Zholtack, Harry T. Reis. No pain, no gain: Perceived partner mate value mediates the desire-inducing effect of being hard to get during online and face-to-face encounters. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2020; 026540752092746 DOI: 10.1177/0265407520927469