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科技写作漫谈(91):表述要精确 精选

已有 7712 次阅读 2012-8-28 21:52 |个人分类:科技写作|系统分类:论文交流|关键词:exactly,black,color,style| style, color, black, exactly

1 Nests were observed frequently for signs of predation.

“Frequently”不精确。多少算频繁?应以具体数据表示,如“every 12 hours”“at 6 am and at 6 pm”. 类如“every 12 hours”的详细数据远比定性类的词语“frequently”清楚得多。

因此,例1可修改为:

Nests were observed every 12 hours for sings predation.

2 The carbonate layer was prepared with sodium carbonate.

with”是一个模糊的表达方式,它是英语中最不明确、最容易引起歧义的单词之一。因为with”的含义太多,所以应该尽量选择更明确的词,不然读者就不得不去猜测其中的含义。需要注意的是,with”有一些约定俗成的用法,如在I went to school with Brian”中表示在一起,另一个标准用法如在We washed the dishes with soap”中表示采用某种方法with”还用于表示属性,如patients with diabetes”。另外,with”与某些动词是固定搭配,如compared with”。如果在科技论文中经常使用with”,而不是那些更加准确的词,就会使读者感到迷惑。该例句中,用using” in the presence of”替代 with”会准确得多。

综上,可将例2修改为:

The carbonate layer was prepared using sodium carbonate.

或:The carbonate layer was prepared in the presence of sodium carbonate.

 

练习:找出下面例句中不准确的表达,并以准确的词替代。

1.         In general, retinal explants treated with 0.5pg/mlBSA exhibited increased growth rates compared with retinal explants treated with 0.5ug/mlBSA.

2.         We field ionized those atoms not ionized by the HCP and detected the electrons produced with the rapidly rising field ionization pulse shown in Fig.2B.

3.         Briefly, cells were incubated with Mytomycin C for 3.5 hours, harvested with trypsin, and frozen in aliquots.

4.         The current was dramatically affected when temperature was increased.

5.         A second calculated transition state that places the water molecule above the TFA ring is higher in energy than the first transition state.

6.         The band showing vibrational splitting of 192/cm in Ne with the most intense peak at 444nm can be identified with the A→X transition of the dimer Ag2.

7.         We studied the performance of different functionals with the size of the cluster.

8.         The afterglow of the blast wave was markedly brighter than we expected.

9.         To determine the molecular events that ensue from this initial epithelial cell contact, we performed an analysis of proteins recruited to lipid rafts generated during a rapid infection with P. aeruginosa.

10.     It is also possible that, due to the high expression levels of MVP in airway cells, the residual MVP present after siRNA treatment was sufficient for these other signaling and response pathways.

参考答案

1.         In general, retinal explants treated with 0.5 pg/ml BSA exhibited [30%, 10%, twofold increased] growth rates compared with retinal explants treated with 0.5 μg/ml BSA. [点评: “Increased”不准确. 增加了多少? 应给出定量值.]

2.         We field ionized those atoms not ionized by the HCP and detected the electrons produced [using] the rapidly rising field ionization pulse shown in Fig. 2B. [点评: “With”是英语中最模糊的术语之一. 因为”with”可以表达很多含义. 尽可能使用精确的术语来更清楚地表达.]

3.         Briefly, cells were incubated with Mytomycin C for 3.5 hours, centrifuged [HOW?], harvested with trypsin [HOW?], and frozen in aliquots [HOW?]. [点评: 实验是如何实施的? 应给出细节, : 5,000 ´ g, 10 μg/ul trypsin, frozen at -20 °C in 1 ml aliquots.]

4.         The current was [reduced by 80%, increased 100-fold] when temperature was increased. [点评: “Drastically”“affected”不准确. “current”是如何被影响的? 它可能增加或减少. “Affected”不准确. “Drastically”也不准确. 科学是定量的. 因此, 一个定量的细节(“80%”)比诸如“drastically affected”的描述更清楚.]

5.         A second calculated transition state that places the water molecule above the TFA ring is [3% higher, twofold higher] higher in energy than the first transition state. [点评: “Little higher”不准确.  is imprecise. little higher是多少? 使用定量的词语.]

6.         The band showing vibrational splitting of 192/cm in Ne [displaying] the most intense peak at 444 nm can be identified [using] the A-> X transition of the dimer Ag2. [点评:”with”可以表达很多含义. 尽可能使用精确的术语来更清楚地表达.]

7.         We studied the performance of different functionals [in the presence of OR within, according to, as related to, by comparing/with respect to] the size of the cluster. [点评: 尽可能使用精确的术语来更清楚地表达.]

8.         The afterglow of the blast wave was [50%, 120%] brighter than we expected. [点评: “Markedly”不准确. Markedly是多少? 使用定量的词语.]

9.         To determine the molecular events that ensue from this initial epithelial cell contact, we performed an analysis of proteins recruited to lipid rafts generated during [15 min] of infection with P. aeruginosa. [点评: “Rapid”不准确. Rapid是多长时间? 使用定量的词语.]

10.     It is also possible that, due to the high expression levels of MVP in airway cells, the residual [5 to 10% of] MVP present after siRNA treatment was sufficient for these other signaling and response pathways. [点评: “Residual”不准确. Residual是多少? 使用定量的词语.]

摘编自《科技写作与交流》(任胜利 . 科学出版社, 2012年8月出版)

相关信息:新书出炉:科技写作与交流--期刊论文、基金申请书及会议讲演



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