美国幽默作家谈“两类人”

武夷山

美国幽默作家安迪. 鲁尼写过一篇小品文，叫《类型》。大意如下：

世界上只有两类人：A类与Z类。

A类人早早动身赶往机场，Z类人不急不忙。

A类人看书从头看到尾，不管书的水平怎样；Z类人随便乱翻，还用铅笔在书边上写写画画。

A类人认真吃早饭，Z类人一杯咖啡就对付过去了。

A类人离开房间必关灯，离开家时必锁门；Z类人不随手关灯，如果他们出门居然记得撞上门了，也许就忘了带上门钥匙。

A类人每年看两次牙医，体检一次，总觉得自己哪里不合适，Z类人一直说要看医生，就是没去。

A类人从牙膏尾端开始挤牙膏，Z类人拦腰挤。

Z类人更可能具备A类人的些许特征，A类人则不容易具备Z类人的任何特征。

A类人总找Z类人结婚，反之亦然。

朋友，您属于那类人？本人属于早早往机场赶路的，但是，我挤牙膏也是拦腰挤的。

原文如下：

Types
Andy Rooney

There are only two types of people in the world, Type A and Type Z. It isn't hard to tell which type you are. How long before the plane leaves do you arrive at the airport?

Early plane-catchers, Type A, pack their bags at least a day in advance, and they pack neatly. If they're booked on a flight that leaves at four in the afternoon, they get up at 5:30 that morning. If they haven't left the house by noon, they've worried about missing the plane.

Late plane-catchers, Type Z, pack hastily at the last minute and arrive at the airport too late to buy a newspaper.

What do you do with a new book? Type A reads more carefully and finishes every book, even though it isn't any good.

Type Z skims through a lot of books and is more apt to write in the margins with a pencil.

Type A eats a good breakfast; Type Z grabs a cup of coffee.

Type As turn off the lights when leaving a room and lock the doors when leaving a house. They go back to make sure they've locked it, and they worry later about whether they left the iron on or not. They didn't.

Type Zs leave the lights burning and if they lock the door at all when they leave the house, they're apt to have forgotten their keys.

Type A sees the dentist twice a year, has an annual physical checkup and thinks he may have something.

Type Z has been meaning to see a doctor.

Type A squeezes a tube of toothpaste from the bottom, rolls it very carefully as he uses it and puts the top back on every time.

Type Z squeezes the tube from the middle, and he's lost the cap under the radiator.

Type Zs are more apt to have some Type A characteristics than Type As are apt to have any Type Z characteristics.

Type As always marry Type Zs.

Type Zs always marry Type As.