1. Drink booze.  (Condorcet winner: wins contests with all other choices)

2. Spend time with friends.  loses to Drink booze. by 74–40

3. Barbecue non-human animal products.  loses to Drink booze. by 82–30, loses to Spend time with friends. by 62–45

4. Spend time with family.  loses to Drink booze. by 88–33, loses to Barbecue non-human animal products. by 58–50

5. Tied: Barbecue non-animal products.  loses to Drink booze. by 92–20, loses to Spend time with family. by 57–40 Spend time with yourself.  loses to Drink booze. by 84–30, loses to Spend time with family. by 53–42

7. Moralize non-sanctimoniously.  loses to Drink booze. by 97–16, loses to Barbecue non-animal products. by 50–36

8. Read philosophy blogs.  loses to Drink booze. by 95–19, loses to Moralize non-sanctimoniously. by 44–38

9. Tied: Moralize sanctimoniously.  loses to Drink booze. by 98–16, loses to Read philosophy blogs. by 41–38

Waste time on Facebook.  loses to Drink booze. by 99–16, loses to Read philosophy blogs. by 47–36

11. Read left-wing blogs.  loses to Drink booze. by 98–13, loses to Moralize sanctimoniously. by 46–31

12. Smoke dope.  loses to Drink booze. by 93–13, loses to Read left-wing blogs. by 41–35

13. Burn the flag.  loses to Drink booze. by 89–16, loses to Smoke dope. by 37–35

14. Tied: Produce rankings.  loses to Drink booze. by 98–7, loses to Burn the flag. by 34–27 Thank Zeus you're an American.  loses to Drink booze. by 98–12, loses to Burn the flag. by 41–29

16. Sign meaningless pledges and petitions.  loses to Drink booze. by 97–7, loses to Produce rankings. by 25–21

17. Thank God you're an American.  loses to Drink booze. by 100–9, loses to Sign meaningless pledges and petitions. by 26–25

18. Salute the flag.  loses to Drink booze. by 99–8, loses to Thank God you're an American. by 25–22

19. Thank God you're not an American.  loses to Drink booze. by 88–18, loses to Salute the flag. by 29–25

20. Barbecue human animal products.  loses to Drink booze. by 95–8, loses to Thank God you're not an American. by 31–23

21. Read right-wing blogs.  loses to Drink booze. by 101–4, loses to Barbecue human animal products. by 26–25

22. Tweet.  loses to Drink booze. by 99–6, loses to Read right-wing blogs. by 27–17