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Chinese American Weddings
June is the months for weddings. We attended three weddings of the children of our
Chinese American friends this past months. Nowadays, our friends like us have long
established and settled in the community. Weddings of their children tend to become a
big affair with friends and relatives coming from all over the world. They are big
logistic efforts. There is an industry of wedding consultants, planner, hotel, and caterers to
serve you. Cost can easily run up to 5 figures in US dollars. Chinese Americans still
mostly marry within their own race but living in America weddings are often a mixture of
the East and West customs. Written below is an essay I wrote three years ago which I
reproduce for Science Net readers:
Relections On attending a wedding
By
Yu-Chi Ho
The son of a friend is getting married this afternoon. Sophia and I were invited. The
ceremony and the dinner reception afterwards are at Castle Hill/Crane's Beach. The place
is a smaller version of the famed "billionaire's cottage" in Newport, RI (note #1) built
before the days of income tax. Crane used to be in the plumbing business and made his
fortune there. (note #2) Nowadays the place is operated by a corporation and rents out
for functions and summer concerts. The "cottage" has a spectacular view of manicured
lawn and landscaped trees rolling down to the Atlantic Ocean in the distance. The day
was sunny but too cool in late April for an outdoor ceremony. So over 120 guests
crowded into a sitting room converted into a make-shift chapel. The service is Unitarian
thus involving a great deal of improvisation. The groom's father read a poem in Chinese 打油诗
which he composed himself for the occasion The groom and the bride added their
personal reflections on how their union came about. The minister and a guest read typical
passages about joy, hardship, love, family, and the journey ahead for the couple. Usually
one sits and let such words pass in one ear and out of the other as pure platitudes. But this
time as I sat with my partner of over 40 years besides me, the words suddenly took on
their true meaning. Having lived through 40 years of joy, hardship, family, and love,
those words and passages became a summary of my own experience and verification of
what life is all about. I was transported in thoughts to our own wedding 40 years ago and
found myself re-affirming the wedding vows I made then. But with the benefit of
hindsight, it is "once more with feeling". The young couple being married this day, I have
no doubt, love each other sincerely and may have even chose the messages being read.
But I seriously doubt they can truly experience what I was experiencing and feeling. Do
they and can they know what they are getting into and what the future beholds? I use to
think that people going through a renewal wedding ceremony to re-affirm their vows are
either showing off or sentimental slobs. Now I know better.
After the reception dinner, the disc jockey starts playing traditional wedding dance music.
But as a concession to the senior set, occasionally a slow foxtrot piece is slipped in. The
room was crowded and warm. Sophia and I escaped to the outside terrace. Under the cold
and moonlit sky in a surrounding out of a Hollywood Gatsby movie, (note #3) we danced
alone to the music of "smoke gets in your eyes". .....…They asked me how I knew, my true
love is true? And of course I replied something here inside, cannot be denied….... Ah yes,
cliches are true! Life is beautiful only too short.
Note #1 The billionaires of 19th century America built luxurious mansions for their
summer vacation, which they refer to as "cottages" along the famous cliff walk in
Newport, Rhode Island. These "cottage" comes as close to the fabled castles in Europe in
representing wealth in old America. In the age of income tax, most of these cottages have
become tourist attractions.
Note #2 If you travel in the US, the bathroom fixtures in your hotel or motel often carry
the Crane brand.
Note #3) The well known American writer F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote his famous novel
" The Great Gatsby" about lives among the super-rich in early 20th century America.
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