美国幽默作家安迪. 鲁尼语录

武夷山

美国幽默作家安迪. 鲁尼是我很喜欢的人物之一, 他思考深刻，语言诙谐，善于从平凡小事中发现大家都有感觉但未能表达出来的东西（比如在电梯内的尴尬）。他是CBS强档栏目“60 Minutes”的长期主持人，但在1990年曾因“言论问题”被“吊销”三个月的主持资格，这在标榜言论自由的美国是很罕见的。下面与大家分享一些他的精彩语录。

 

All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.
Andy Rooney

并非所有人都是生来平等的，但是在法律面前应把所有人视为平等的。

Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.
Andy Rooney

若喜欢在电视上观看高尔夫球比赛(博主注：而不是去高尔夫球场看比赛），那就是喜欢看高尔夫草坪上草的生长。（此句经本所王桂凤指出问题后改译，专此致谢！）

As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book.
Andy Rooney

作为资深记者，我们有一些秘密本事，其首要一条就是我们知道如何利用电话号码本。

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Andy Rooney
计算机使得做很多事情都容易得多，不过，计算机使之容易做的事当中，多数是不值得做的事。

Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
Andy Rooney

计算机也许能节省时间，但肯定会浪费好多纸。计算机打印出来的东西，大约98％是从来没人读过的垃圾文字。

Death is a distant rumor to the young.
Andy Rooney

对于年轻人来说，死亡是遥远的谣言 。

Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
Andy Rooney

不要排斥动手干活，动手并不意味着不需要用脑子。

Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
Andy Rooney

大象和孙儿女最记仇。

Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
Andy Rooney

幸福在很大程度上取决于你如何承受生活的打击，而不是取决于生活中发生了什么。

I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
Andy Rooney

我不是有意识要变老的，衰老过程就这么发生了。如果你运气好，衰老也会发生在你的身上。

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.
Andy Rooney

我不喜欢精心摆放布置的菜肴，我老觉得厨师在摆放布置上花了太多的时间，而没有在烹调上花足够的时间。如果我想要好看的东西，直接买幅画好了。

I don't pick subjects as much as they pick me.
Andy Rooney

与其说是我在挑选话题，还不如说是话题在找我。

I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.
Andy Rooney

我真希望，我们不要那么关心此人的尿道（博主：可能指克林顿的风流韵事），而要关心他向伊朗卖了多少军火。

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
Andy Rooney

如果狗会说话，养狗的大半乐趣就丧失了。

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
Andy Rooney

如果你微笑时周围没其他人，那一定是发自内心的笑。

If you smile when you are alone, then you really mean it.
Andy Rooney

如果你一个人呆着时发笑，那一定是发自内心的笑。

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
Andy Rooney
对于压根儿就没有人要的资料，还做成复份，打印出来，可以使美国增加一种新的使命感。

Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
Andy Rooney

我们多数人去世后，至多也不过有五六个人怀念我们。而教师拥有成千上万的人终生记住他们。

Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
Andy Rooney

用小字印出来的决不是好消息。

Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.
Andy Rooney

骂人话……我觉得，很多笨人骂人，是因为他们想不出来合适的表达方式，有挫折感。而很多聪明人骂人，是假装他们不很聪明，愿意与老百姓打成一片。

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.
Andy Rooney

一般来说，事实与人们所已经相信的东西一致的时候，他们才承认事实是真的。

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
Andy Rooney

50－50―90规则：凡是你有一半对一半的可能性做对某事的时候，那么你将此事做错的概率是90％。

The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.
Andy Rooney

被征兵的聪明小伙子一般会仇恨这整个征兵体系，因为军队总是要泯灭个体之间的差异。

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
Andy Rooney

一只普通的狗比一个普通人要更善良。

The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.
Andy Rooney

关门可以带来我们所珍视的私密与舒适，开门则可能带来恐惧。从另一方面说，关门可能是令人伤心的最后关头，开门则是令人感到无比欢欣的时刻。

The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.
Andy Rooney

联邦政府资助的科研项目培养出了各方面都很完美的西红柿，只是很难吃。我们应竭尽全力阻止这种经常被称为“进步”的疾病蔓延开来。

The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.
Andy Rooney

讲政客的坏话讲得比记者还要难听的，那一定是其他政客。

The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough.
Andy Rooney

世界上一定充斥着大量像我这样的音乐生涯不成功的人，这恐怕是好事。我们不需要好多糟糕的音乐家让空中充斥着不受欢迎的音响。某些职业音乐家已经够糟糕的了。

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
Andy Rooney

素食主义者：这是印第安人的一个老词，指的是打猎本事太差的人。

We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.
Andy Rooney

我们都为自己犯过小错误而自豪，这使我们感觉到我们没有犯大错。

When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.
Andy Rooney

侍者问我想不想要新鲜地椒的时候，我就反问：难道你们有上了年纪的地椒吗？

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