让我再说说“想得开、看得透、提得起、放得下”吧。星云大师也是这么说的。人当然要赢得起、输得起。当初在美国申请教职时,据信接踵而至,我看到了,心里咯噔一下,在信封上打个叉,写上rejected,就不再去想了。如果这时候我想:“人家洋人没有我强,凭啥......”,那不是自己整自己吗?不要就不要,缘分已尽,还有什么好多说的,用美国话说,That's it.
我想说,这首诗简而言之就是“随遇而安”。“随遇而安”并非是让你不要上进,而是要随着缘份(或命运)的方向走,水到渠成,而不能“挑食”(硬来)。无论是人生的逆境还是顺境,这些都是生命的过程,这些都make you who you are today。成功的人珍惜缘分,从逆境中也能收获良多。
也许有人会说,这种“不挑食”的做法,岂不是随波逐流?余惕君在第34页说:
随缘
不是随波逐流的认命, 而是水到渠成的淡定。
这首诗写得极为妙,说出了我本来想说却又无法用语言形容的话,的确是“大智慧”!这句话极为深奥,很难说清。比如说找工作吧,你进行了trial and error,有的中,有的没有中。在中的基础上,有的你去了,有的你没去,这不是“随波逐流”,而是“水到渠成”。其原理是:找工作是两厢情愿的事情,你得去试探用人单位是否对你感兴趣,这就叫trial and error。没有兴趣的也不能热脸贴冷屁股地硬塞,而双方感兴趣,条件和要求都match,才是“水到渠成”。回国到高校任教,本来也应该是“水到渠成的淡定”,条件成熟了、因缘齐备了,自然会“水到渠成”,这叫calling。这并不是“随波逐流的认命”。
那么,怎么“以心转境”呢?在第71页,作者写道:
得失自在
得与失的分别,只在一念之间; 若能转换视角,得失一样自在。
这些话非常有道理!可见,是得是失,全都在于自己内心的判断。在101 Really Important Things You Already Know, But Keep Forgetting一书p. 109,作者说:The most creative shortcut to success is to reevaluate what success means to you.在p. 127,作者说:Most negative situations can be transformed instaneously just by changing the context in which we look at them.Chris Prentiss写的The Little Book of Secrets说,人生的奥妙在于:The event itself is simply an event, and the situation is just the setting in which you find yourself. The way you respond to the event or situation is what determines its final outcome in your life.
这些话同样深奥难懂,可是这是放之四海皆准的道理!在101 Really Important Things You Already Know, But Keep Forgetting一书p. 11,作者说:Slow down in your pursuit of happiness and it's more likely to catch up with you. p. 53,作者说:Slow down and the rest of the world will slow down for you. Andrew Matthews在Follow Your Heart: Finding Purpose in Your Life and Work一书中写道:"The moment you get too attached to things, people, money... you screw it up! The challenge of life is to appreciate everything and attach yourself to nothing."作者说:"Whenever we are desperately involved-emotionally attached to a transaction or a happening-we obstruct it. The flip-side to the principle? Relax a little and bingo!"
这样“期望值”越大失望越大的事情也很多啊。多年前,学校BBS建站若干周年,准备集结出版精华文集。我的两篇文章被选入,当时我很高兴,花了些时间精心修改文章,稿件交掉后不断上网查询文集出版了没。结果过了近一年,编辑来信说没有得到经济资助而取消了出版计划。What should have been done differently?也许我本该就可以“let go”。再比如与人开展科研合作,别人问你要样品,号称可以合作署名发文章,“一点问题也没有的”,你屁颠屁颠地想可以有文章进账了,结果过了几年都没有下文。由此可见,“幸福像一只蝴蝶,你越追,它越飞。”