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科技写作漫谈 (71):实例分析----如何更好地表述题名和摘要

已有 5973 次阅读 2010-5-30 07:53 |个人分类:科技写作|系统分类:论文交流

       以下为一篇涉及计算机科学(Nonlinear finite element simulation)与外科学(efficacy of slit arteriotomy for end-to-side arterial anastomosis)交叉的论文题名:
Nonlinear finite element simulation to elucidate the efficacy of slit arteriotomy for end-to-side arterial anastomosis in microsurgery
       这个题名给人的第一印象是作者的主要贡献是通过Nonlinear finite element simulation来elucidate the efficacy,其重点在Nonlinear finite element simulation,研究背景(对象)是slit arteriotomy for end-to-side arterial anastomosis in microsurgery;如果要强调efficacy,研究背景(方法)是nonlinear finite element simulation,则似应表述为:
Elucidating the efficacy of slit arteriotomy for end-to-side arterial anastomosis in microsurgery with a nonlinear finite element simulation
       以下为这篇论文的摘要(注意黑体字是摘要和题名中共同出现的):
      [61 words] The slit arteriotomy for end-to-side arterial microanastomosis is a technique used to revascularize free flaps in reconstructive surgery. Does a slit open to a width sufficient for blood supply? How is the slit opening affected by factors such as arterial wall thickness and material stiffness? To answer these questions we propose a nonlinear finite element procedure to simulate the operation. [10 words] Through modeling the arteries using hyperelastic shell elements, our simulation [112 words] reveals that the slit opens to a width even larger than the original diameter of the donor artery, allowing sufficient blood supply. It also identifies two factors that explain the opening of the slit: blood pressure which is predominant in most cases, and the forces applied to the slit by the donor artery. During simulation, when we increase the donor artery thickness and stiffness, it is found that the contribution of blood pressure to the slit opening decreases while that of the forces applied by the donor artery increases. This result indicates that sometimes the forces by the donor artery can play an even more significant role than the blood pressure factor. [28 words] Our simulation elucidates the efficacy of the slit arteriotomy. It improves our understanding of the interplay between blood pressure and donor vessel factors in keeping the slit open. [Total: 211 words]
显然,摘要的重点是第3部分的Elucidating the efficacy (112个单词)。第2部分的Nonlinear finite element simulation起次要作用(只有10个单词)。因此,本题名更为合理的表述似应该为:Elucidating the efficacy of slit arteriotomy for end-to-side arterial anastomosis in microsurgery with a nonlinear finite element simulation
       然而,检查了论文的格架(正文中的次级标题,后文将详述)之后,发现贡献似乎确实是Nonlinear finite element simulation。因此,该文的题名应该是正确的:有可能摘要是面向外科医生的(外科医生对有关模拟的技术细节不太关心,更关心的是外科手术方法和其疗效);如果论文是针对计算机方面的科学家,方法学部分就应该更长些而结果部分应该更短些。发表这篇论文的杂志(Journal of Biomechanics)的读者来自差异较大的学科,因而,有关贡献的部分包括了最大数量的单词(占211个单词的140-150个)。
摘编自《科技英语写作进阶》(任胜利, 莫京, 安瑞. 科学出版社, 2009年出版)


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