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幽默:The New Romance - Husband 1.0! 新浪漫--老公1.0版

已有 3257 次阅读 2011-4-7 16:50 |个人分类:翻译实践|系统分类:生活其它| 搞笑, 操作系统, 老公

Upgrading To Husband 1.0   从男友5.0版升级到老公1.0版以后


翻译(英译中): 邱敦莲


Dear Tech Support: 亲爱的技术支持:

Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.


In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3 and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, Saturday Football 5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband1.0, but this all purpose utility is of only limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!


Sincerely, XXX 真挚的XXX


Dear XXX: 亲爱的XXX

This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible.


Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 isn't designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained.


It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are commonand a normal part of Husband 1.0.


In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0.


Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You'll notice that this program runs very poorly and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0 and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system.


Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system.

一旦安装老公1.0,我本人还建议你阅读有关“一般性伙伴关系错误(GPFsGeneral Partnership Faults)” (译者注:与计算机的“一般性保护错误”GPFs- General Protection Error的首字母缩写相同)这个章节。这是老公1.0最精彩的特征,这是母公司将之作为操作系统的一部分,秘密地加装的。

Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults & problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C: I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME".


Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should run applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.


TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C: I APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0.


Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly files and Snoring Loudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!


Just remember! The system will run smoothly and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.


Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly.


After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you'll find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.


A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.


I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!


Tech Support 技术支持部



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