A small incident at a restaurant yesterday reminded me some advice I received more than 10 years ago. It is about "who to blame," namely, it's better to blame myself when there is confusion/misunderstanding.

It was shortly after I started editing (as a part-time freelancer). My co-worker at UH said to me one day: Instead of saying "You misunderstand me here," tell your client that "I am sorry, I didn't make myself clear. This is what I meant to say..."

In fact, this is such useful advice that I have used often when helping my clients "fight" with their reviewers. Instead calling reviewers stupid (which does happen), I would tell them to focus on their goal: get the ms accpeted! I remember some really tough battles with reviewers, including one case that both reviewers insisted that the authors "steal things from their papers." I helped my clients win the battle!

Ok, if you are still courious about the incident at the restarant. Here it is: My friend and I went out to dinner. The waitress was very friendly, but she was having a tough time. I told her that I don't need cold water, but she left me a glass (no problem, but it's a waste). Then, my friend asked her: Did you forget my beer? She smiled: No, I will get it right away. After that, I remarked: I would have said, did I order a beer? (This way, I am putting no pressure on her. At least, that was how I felt.) Maybe it's just me worrying too much about how others feel?