何毓琦的个人博客分享 http://blog.sciencenet.cn/u/何毓琦 哈佛(1961-2001) 清华(2001-date)


中囯父母去美国靠 SON and DAUGHTER 应知: 精选

已有 10131 次阅读 2017-8-13 02:55 |个人分类:生活点滴|系统分类:海外观察

中文翻译 请看十号评论 as well as at end of this article

For new readers and those who request to be “好友 good friends”  please read my 公告栏 first

Chinese parents going to live abroad to be with or near children need to know (中囯父母去美国靠𠒇女应知):

The benefits for seniors in the US are substantial. While they vary from State to State, generally seniors are provided with

1.Supplemental living income

2.Subsidize housing

3.Medical care

4.Free food

so long as you have limited assets in the US (the government has no way to check your wealth in China). All these benefits are given to green card holding seniors even though the seniors have never done a single days of work or paid one cent of taxes (note added 9/1/2017: My adult children point out to me that my writing here seems to encourage such unethical behavior by Chinese seniors who are actually well off and do not need such welfare from the US government. My answer is that this knowledge is well known in China and there is actually a small industry helping Chinese immigrant doing such things. But I also know honorable Chinese senior who do not take advantage of such"benefits". Nor is this phenomenum restricted to Chinese immigrants). In fact we heard  of seniors who choose to remain  in the US because of these benefits  even their children  have returned to China because of better opportunities.

Aside from benefits, to be near your established children in your old age is natural  and a blessing according to Chinese tradition. We know cases of Chinese parents spending their retirement years in comfort and happiness this way in the US.

On the other hand, because of the differences in US and Chinese customs and living traditions, the insistent practice of parents of Chinese family rules and customs in their children homes can result in conflicts and unhappy relationship. For example,

1.While in China, the parents are always the head of the family, in the US you are living as guests in the home of your children. In the extreme case, Mother living in her son’s home wants to dictate furniture arrangements and meal preparations out of desire to help not realizing that in the US the daughter-in-law is the  head mistress of the home. Here the built in age old conflicts between mother and daughter in law are further exacerbated by the difference in US and Chinese customs.

2.Similarly, in the US the education and up-bringing of children are the sole responsibility of parents.  Grandparents as the saying goes, “should keep their mouth shut and wallet open”. Here again according to Chinese custom, grandparent have every right to interfere. Conflicts again result.

3.Unless the parents already have friends living in the same city, establishing new friends and overcome language difficulties can have substantial difficulties in one’s old age. Working children have their own lives and cannot be with you every minute.

4. The adjustment is particularly difficult for people who was in position of power and fame in China. Suddenly you become a nobody in the US and no one pay you the respect you have accustomed to in China even when retired. It is a double adjustment.

Thus it is a case of “practice the custom of the country you live in”. Chinese grandparents must learn to adapt and lower your expectations when coming to the US to enjoy their remaining years. Managed right, life can be fulfilling and happy.

PS I hope someone can translate this article into Chinese to insure wider readership

A more up-io-date translation by blogger Yang Xuhong in comment [10] below is  reproduced here:















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