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中囯父母去美国靠 SON and DAUGHTER 应知: 精选

已有 7571 次阅读 2017-8-13 02:55 |个人分类:生活点滴|系统分类:海外观察

中文翻译 请看十号评论 as well as at end of this article


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Chinese parents going to live abroad to be with or near children need to know (中囯父母去美国靠𠒇女应知):


The benefits for seniors in the US are substantial. While they vary from State to State, generally seniors are provided with

1.Supplemental living income

2.Subsidize housing

3.Medical care

4.Free food

so long as you have limited assets in the US (the government has no way to check your wealth in China). All these benefits are given to green card holding seniors even though the seniors have never done a single days of work or paid one cent of taxes (note added 9/1/2017: My adult children point out to me that my writing here seems to encourage such unethical behavior by Chinese seniors who are actually well off and do not need such welfare from the US government. My answer is that this knowledge is well known in China and there is actually a small industry helping Chinese immigrant doing such things. But I also know honorable Chinese senior who do not take advantage of such"benefits". Nor is this phenomenum restricted to Chinese immigrants). In fact we heard  of seniors who choose to remain  in the US because of these benefits  even their children  have returned to China because of better opportunities.

Aside from benefits, to be near your established children in your old age is natural  and a blessing according to Chinese tradition. We know cases of Chinese parents spending their retirement years in comfort and happiness this way in the US.

On the other hand, because of the differences in US and Chinese customs and living traditions, the insistent practice of parents of Chinese family rules and customs in their children homes can result in conflicts and unhappy relationship. For example,

1.While in China, the parents are always the head of the family, in the US you are living as guests in the home of your children. In the extreme case, Mother living in her son’s home wants to dictate furniture arrangements and meal preparations out of desire to help not realizing that in the US the daughter-in-law is the  head mistress of the home. Here the built in age old conflicts between mother and daughter in law are further exacerbated by the difference in US and Chinese customs.

2.Similarly, in the US the education and up-bringing of children are the sole responsibility of parents.  Grandparents as the saying goes, “should keep their mouth shut and wallet open”. Here again according to Chinese custom, grandparent have every right to interfere. Conflicts again result.

3.Unless the parents already have friends living in the same city, establishing new friends and overcome language difficulties can have substantial difficulties in one’s old age. Working children have their own lives and cannot be with you every minute.

4. The adjustment is particularly difficult for people who was in position of power and fame in China. Suddenly you become a nobody in the US and no one pay you the respect you have accustomed to in China even when retired. It is a double adjustment.


Thus it is a case of “practice the custom of the country you live in”. Chinese grandparents must learn to adapt and lower your expectations when coming to the US to enjoy their remaining years. Managed right, life can be fulfilling and happy.


PS I hope someone can translate this article into Chinese to insure wider readership


A more up-io-date translation by blogger Yang Xuhong in comment [10] below is  reproduced here:

中国父母去美国投靠儿女应知

老年人生活在美国有很多福利。尽管各个州都不尽相同,一般来说,老年人可以获得:

1.生活收入补助

2.住房补贴

3.医疗护理

4.免费食物

只要你在美国有有限的资产(美国政府没有办法查到你在中国的财富)。年老的绿卡持有者可以得到所有的这些福利,尽管有的老人没有工作一天或者没有交过一分钱的税。事实上,我们听说尽管有些老年人的孩子因为有好的机会回到中国,他们还是因为这些福利留在美国。

除了福利,按照中国的传统,在你晚年和你的孩子住一起是自然和有益的。我们知道一些中国父母在在他们退休之后通过这种方式在美国生活的很舒服,很开心的例子。

另一方面,因为中美传统和生活条件的差异,在孩子家里,具有中国习惯和习惯家庭里父母固执的行为可能导致冲突和不满的关系。例如:

1.在中国,父母总是家庭的老大,在美国你就像客人一样生活在孩子家里。极端的例子,生活在儿子家里的母亲出于帮助想决定家具布置和饮食安排,而没有意识到在美国媳妇才是家里的“领导”。这儿,中美传统的不同,更加加剧了母亲和媳妇之间长时间的冲突。

2.类似地,在美国教育和抚养孩子是父母唯一的职责。俗话说,“祖父母应该闭嘴,打开钱包”。再一次地根据中国传统,祖父母有权利介入。结果是引起冲突。

3.除非父母已经在同居住城市有朋友,在年老的时候交到新朋友和克服语言困难要面临很多困难。工作中的孩子有他们自己的生活,不能每一分钟都陪着你。

因此,这儿有一个例子,“实践你要生活国家的风俗习惯”。中国祖父母来到美国享受他们的余生,必须学会适应和降低你们的希望值。控制权利,生活能变得满足和开心。




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